I have been reading Alban Butler’s Lives of the Saints (the Kindle edition), and today — May 4th — was the day for St. Monica, the Mother of St. Augustine.
Now, Monica was raised a Christian but betrothed and married to Patricius, a pagan. Butler is keen to note that her forbearance and submissiveness eventually prompted Patricius to convert, but in the interim, Monica had to deal with her husband’s temper, and Butler has this to say on the matter:
When she saw other wives bearing the marks of their husband’s anger on their disfigured faces, and heard them blaming their roughness of temper or debaucheries, she would answer them: “Lay the blame rather on yourselves and your tongues.” Her example alone was a sufficient proof; for, notwithstanding the passionate temper of her husband, it was never known that he ever struck her, or that they had ever, for so much as one day, entertained any domestic dissension; because she bore all his sallies with patience, and in silence, made no other return but that of a greater obsequiousness, and waited an opportunity to make him sensible of his mistake when that was necessary. And as many as followed her advice in this respect towards their husbands, rejoiced in the experience of the comfort and advantages which accrued to them from their patience and complaisance; while those that did not follow it, continued still in their vexations and sufferings.
I’m quick to say that the ancients — in this case, fourth century Monica and even 18th century Butler — knew more about being human than we do — but in this instance, I’m going to assert the superiority of recent modernity. This was the wrong advice 1,600 years ago, it was the wrong advice 250 years ago, and it is the wrong advice today.